Friday, January 23, 2015

Haven't I been here before?

I have been at turns discouraged, saddened, sickened and frustrated for many, many months, owing to an ongoing struggle I'm having over the crumbling of a cherished relationship. "Why oh why can't I get over this? Why am I not further along in the process?" I've lamented nearly daily.

This morning, a sweet and simple answer came to me. The truth is, I am not where I was 6 months ago, a week ago or even a day ago, because I've grown since then. Yes, I (we) grow every day, and I have a little log of daily inspiration and insights to prove it!

It may look like I'm retreading the same path or even going around in circles, but that's it... it just looks that way. I'm actually further along than I usually realize, no matter how similar or seemingly familiar the terrain.

The other day I took what I feared was an enormous 'step backward' that looked to be catastrophic. It wasn't a step I wanted to take, but I felt stuck on a precipice and unable to budge without doing something drastic. The fallout has been awful and again I wondered "What the &^% is wrong with me? Why can't I just move on... like 'normal' people?"

I then thought of how a winding path up a steep mountain works. It's not a straight line from base to summit. That sort of ascent would be dangerously impractical, if not impossible. Rather, such paths generally ascend at a doable angle and are created with switchbacks to make the really arduous parts manageable. When a switchback causes us to go downward a bit or in the opposite direction of our desired destination, we don't panic, thinking we've failed and gone backwards, needing to now retrace our footsteps and climb back up to where we just were. No. We understand that the seeming setback is a part of the path and every step on it is still taking us forward... never backward.

So even though I'm often tempted to feel and believe that I'm not making progress, I'm grateful to actually know better... no matter how it looks. I'm going to keep going, a step at a time, with the confidence that at some point I will reach the summit, however circuitous the route.

No comments:

Post a Comment